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Historically, January First has not been a fun time for me.
Year after year, I’d get inspired by friends/ social media/ general New Year’s excitement, whip out my notebook, and start planning my New Year’s resolutions.
I soon noticed a depressing theme: my resolutions wouldn’t change from year to year, because they had never been kept to begin with. I would write my list of resolutions and goals fully knowing that it was pointless. My big dreams were exactly that—nothing but big, empty dreams.
Would I ever start crossfitting? Run my first marathon? Master the ancient Mayan tongue, or even just learn basic Spanish? Take my long-awaited trip on the Trans-Siberian railway with a stopover in Mongolia, or learn to ski properly?
If anything, my resolution-setting hampered any potential progress; I loathed the fact that I couldn’t stick to my grand plans. I was losing confidence in myself and in my ability to be disciplined, get sh*t done and become a resolution-smashing queen.
About two or three years ago, as I was writing my Yearly Useless List, I lost patience. I slashed the page through and flipped my journal open to a fresh one. Why was I subjecting myself to this pointless torture? This was counter-intuitive, I decided. Instead of making a long ass list of all the things I wouldn’t accomplish this year, I could do something far more productive and make a list of all the things I had *actually* accomplished in the past year.
And so it began. I sat and contemplated. What had I done? At first, I worried that I hadn’t accomplished much at all. Maybe this wasn't a good idea—maybe this was the new and far worse Yearly Useless List, I worried.
Still, I was determined to try. I put pen to paper, mentally scrolled through the past 12 months, and began jotting things down.
Soon, I had a pretty comprehensive list that included things like:
Traveled to 4 new countries
Started a new relationship
Got Lasik eye surgery (something I’d wanted to do my whole life)
Went to the gym pretty consistently throughout the year
Moved out of my parents house
Got a bunch of new clients
Helped launch the first ever Jewish Girls Travel retreat
Started therapy for the first time
As I wrote, the list got longer and longer. There were the big things, like countries visited, relationships started, retreats run, apartments leased, surgeries completed, clients onboarded… and there were loads of small things, too.
I read the list. Tweaked it. Added items. Read it again. And as I did, it became clear to me that I had accomplished a LOT. I had done some things I’d been wanting to do all my life. I had taken some brave steps forward. I had tried new things. I had had a year rich in experiences. I had proven myself to myself. Soon, it dawned on me: I was a resolution-smashing queen!
I was elated. If I had accomplished so many big (and scary!) things, how much more was I capable of doing this upcoming year? I felt inspired, confident, and motivated. I knew I could hack it.
I know I dramatically titled this piece “To Hell with New Year’s Resolutions,” but I don’t really mean you have to throw your New Year’s resolutions out the window. What I mean is this: before you sit yourself down to lecture yourself on what you need to accomplish over the next 365 days, take a minute to look back and congratulate yourself on the 365 that have passed. Give yourself some good ol’ nachas (that’s Jewish Grandma talk for “pride”). You deserve it. And more likely than not, it’ll give you a confidence boost for the year to come.
Even if you don’t think you’ve done anything exceptional this year (and I know Covid-19 definitely threw all of us for a loop), I promise you’ll find things to be proud of. They might be big, they might be small, but they’re definitely there.
Is this a revolutionary concept? Probably not, but it was revolutionary for me, and that, IMHO, deems it share-worthy.
As it turns out, I’m not the first person who feels this way; after writing this piece, I noticed a bunch of posts on my Instagram feed by various therapists and mental health professionals who believe that not only are resolutions kinda pointless, but they’re also rooted in all-or-nothing thinking and shame and are actually detrimental to our overall mental health. And while I don't think Instagram influencers are necessarily the last word on what's best for mental wellness (exaggerated eye roll), it's still nice to know that this is a real concept that's actually rooted in Psychotherapy.
Feeling inspired to write your own list of things you've accomplished this year? Here are my tips:
I like to grab a pen and journal and think about my year month-by-month. I even scroll through my instagram feed and stories archive to remember where and how I spent my time—that often helps jog my memory. If it helps, you can also quantify your “accomplishments” into categories: physical or mental wellness, family, friends, job/career, travel, finance, etc. Do what works for you.
If you still want help setting goals after you’ve done this exercise, hit up my friend and goal-setting (and GETTING) expert Binie Klein, read this article by Tony Robbins, or ask my friend Sheina Raskin for her miniguide on setting and reaching goals.
Happy New Year! Take pride in another year well-lived. Let’s enjoy these next 365 days guilt (goal?) free 🥂
Cheers to that!
Love this idea!